Find a church family that stays faithful to Jesus.
You were never meant to follow Jesus alone. Here is how a new Christian family can find a healthy church, test what is preached, and hold leaders accountable the way the Bible describes, with honesty, humility and love.
You need a church family, and a church family needs you
If you have just come to faith in Jesus, or your family is starting over with God, welcome. You are not joining a club. You are being added to a family that Jesus bought with His own blood.
Some people say, “I love Jesus, I just don’t need church.” I understand why. Maybe you were hurt by a church. Maybe you watched a leader fall. Maybe church felt like a performance you could never keep up with. Those wounds are real, and I am not going to wave them away.
But the Bible never pictures a Christian living alone. When the Spirit came at Pentecost and three thousand people believed, the very next thing we read is that they gathered. They learned together, ate together, prayed together and shared what they had. Faith in Jesus pulled them into each other’s lives.
Paul says the church is a body. An eye cannot say to a hand, I don’t need you. A hand that is cut off from the body does not become free. It dies. You need people who know your name, who notice when you are missing, who will bring a meal when the baby comes and sit with you in the hospital when the news is bad. And they need what God has put in you. Every believer has a part to play. Nobody is just an audience.
And let us consider how to spur one another on to love and good deeds. Let us not neglect meeting together, as some have made a habit, but let us encourage one another, and all the more as you see the Day approaching.
Look at what that verse assumes. You cannot spur someone on if you never see them. You cannot encourage a person you do not know. Sunday matters, but the goal is bigger than attendance. The goal is a web of real relationships where people help each other keep going with Jesus.
Here is the honest truth up front. There is no perfect church. Every church is made of forgiven sinners who are still growing, and that includes the pastor. If you go looking for a church with no flaws, you will either never find one or you will ruin the one you join. You are not looking for perfect. You are looking for faithful: a church that loves Jesus, preaches the Bible honestly, cares for people well, and deals with its sins in the light instead of hiding them.
That is what this page is about. First, what a healthy church looks like. Second, the warning signs to take seriously. Third, how to visit as a family and what to ask. Then the harder part: how to test what you hear on Sundays, including what you hear from me, and how to hold a pastor accountable in a way that honors God. Finally, how to love and encourage the leaders who are serving you well. Accountability and honor belong together. A church that has only one of them is out of balance.
Twelve marks of a healthy church
No church will score perfectly on every one of these. You are looking for a church that is honestly aiming at all of them and is not hiding from any of them. Use these as a guide for watching, listening and asking.
- 01
Jesus and the gospel at the center
1 CORINTHIANS 15:3–4 →The gospel is the good news that Christ died for our sins, was buried, and was raised on the third day, and that everyone who turns from sin and trusts Him is forgiven and made new by grace, not by works. A healthy church never treats that as the entry-level message you graduate from. It is the center of everything: the preaching, the songs, the counseling, the way people treat each other.
Listen for whether Jesus is the hero of the sermons or just a helpful example. A message can be full of good advice about marriage, money and stress and still leave Jesus out. That is a self-help seminar with a steeple. In a gospel-centered church, you leave knowing more about what Jesus has done for you, not only about what you should do for Him.
This weekAfter a few Sundays, ask yourself: could a visitor have heard how to be saved here? Was grace clear, or only effort?
- 02
The Bible preached faithfully and in context
2 TIMOTHY 4:2–4 →Paul told Timothy to preach the word, in season and out of season, and warned that people would gather teachers who tell them what their itching ears want to hear. Faithful preaching explains what the passage actually says, in its setting, and then applies that meaning to real life. The main point of the sermon should be the main point of the text.
Many healthy churches preach through whole books of the Bible, verse by verse. That is not the only faithful way, but it protects a church from a pastor who only preaches his favorite topics and skips the parts that are hard. Over time you should hear the whole counsel of God, including passages about sin, judgment, suffering and money that no one enjoys preaching.
This weekBring your Bible. Notice whether the pastor reads the passage, explains it, and keeps coming back to it, or reads one verse and then talks about something else.
- 03
A praying church
ACTS 2:42 →The first church devoted themselves to prayer. Not as a transition between songs, but as real dependence on God. A church that does not pray is a church that believes it can do the work in its own strength.
Look for prayer in the services, prayer meetings people actually attend, elders who pray for the sick, and small groups that pray for one another by name. Ask how the church prays for missionaries, for its city, and for its own members in crisis.
This weekAsk: when and where does this church pray together? Then go once.
- 04
Real community and discipleship
COLOSSIANS 1:28 →Paul’s goal was to present everyone mature in Christ. That does not happen in rows facing forward. It happens around kitchen tables, in small groups, in one-on-one Bible reading, and in older believers walking alongside younger ones.
A healthy church has a clear path for you to grow: a place to ask beginner questions without embarrassment, groups that study the Bible and share life, and people willing to disciple you. If the only way to be involved is to show up Sunday and serve in the parking lot, you will stay shallow. Discipleship should also reach the home, helping parents teach their kids the faith instead of outsourcing it to a one-hour program.
This weekAsk: how would someone like me get connected and grow here? Is there a small group or a mentor I could start with?
- 05
Biblical leadership: qualified elders, not one man
TITUS 1:5–9 →The New Testament describes churches led by elders, also called overseers or shepherds, and it describes them in the plural. Paul told Titus to appoint elders in every town. The qualifications in 1 Timothy 3 and Titus 1 are mostly about character: above reproach, faithful in marriage, self-controlled, hospitable, not violent, not quarrelsome, not a lover of money, managing his own household well, able to teach, holding firm to sound doctrine. Gifting matters, but character comes first.
Churches organize this in different ways, and you do not need to settle every debate about church government. But you should find more than one person in charge. A pastor should have real peers who know his life, can tell him no, and can remove him if needed. If every decision, every dollar and every disciplinary matter runs through one man, that church is one bad season away from disaster, no matter how gifted he is.
This weekAsk: who leads this church, how were they chosen, and who has the authority to correct the senior pastor?
- 06
Baptism and the Lord’s Supper
MATTHEW 28:19–20 →Jesus commanded His church to make disciples, baptizing them and teaching them to obey. He also gave the Lord’s Supper, the bread and the cup, to remember His death until He comes. These are not optional extras. They are gifts Jesus gave to mark His people and strengthen their faith.
Churches differ on some details, such as who should be baptized and how. Those differences are worth understanding, but a healthy church will take both ordinances seriously, explain them clearly, and practice them regularly. If you are a new believer and have never been baptized, a good pastor will be glad to talk with you about it.
This weekAsk: what do you teach about baptism and communion, and how often do you take the Lord’s Supper together?
- 07
Love for the hurting and the poor
JAMES 1:27 →James says pure religion cares for orphans and widows in their distress. Watch how a church treats people who cannot give it anything back: the widow, the single mom, the man fresh out of prison, the family with a disabled child, the person battling addiction, the grieving.
A healthy church has practical ways to help. Meals when there is a crisis. Benevolence for members who lose a job. People who visit the sick. It does not treat the hurting as projects or photo opportunities. It treats them as family. And it does not shame people for being in need.
This weekAsk: if a family here lost their income or faced a medical crisis, what would actually happen?
- 08
Welcome and safety for children
MATTHEW 18:6 →Jesus spoke some of His most severe words about anyone who causes a little one to stumble. A church that takes Jesus seriously takes child safety seriously. This is not a sign of distrust toward the church. It is a sign of love. Predators look for places with easy access and trusting people, and churches have too often been those places.
Here is what to look for. Every adult who works with children has passed a background check and has been in the church long enough to be known. There is a secure check-in and pickup system, so only the right adult can collect your child. There is a firm two-adult rule, so no adult is ever alone with a child out of sight. Volunteers are trained to recognize and report abuse. Classrooms have windows or open doors. And there is a written child protection policy the church will show you without hesitation.
Pay attention to how leaders respond when you ask. A healthy church will be glad you asked. If a leader gets defensive, brushes you off, or says “we’re all family here, we don’t need all that,” take that seriously.
This weekAsk to see the written child protection policy, and ask whether they report suspected abuse to the authorities every time.
- 09
Financial transparency
2 CORINTHIANS 8:21 →When Paul handled a large offering for poor believers, he took great care to do what was right not only before the Lord but before people. He brought others along so no one could accuse him of mishandling the money. That is the model.
A healthy church will tell members how money is spent, have more than one person counting and handling the offering, have a group beyond the pastor that sets his salary, and have some form of outside review or audit. You do not need to see every receipt. But you should never be told that money is not your business. If you give to the church, it is right to know it is handled with integrity.
This weekAsk: who oversees the budget, who sets the pastor’s pay, and can members see an annual financial report?
- 10
Mission and evangelism
ACTS 1:8 →The church does not exist only for the people already in it. Jesus sent His followers into the world to make disciples. A healthy church looks outward. It prays for people who do not know Jesus, equips members to share their faith, supports missionaries, and serves its own neighborhood.
You can feel the difference. An inward church talks mostly about its programs and its building. An outward church talks about its neighbors. It celebrates baptisms and changed lives, not just attendance numbers.
This weekAsk: how does this church reach people who don’t know Jesus, here and around the world?
- 11
Humility and repentance in leadership
1 PETER 5:2–3 →Peter told elders to shepherd God’s flock willingly, not for gain, not lording it over those in their charge, but being examples. Good leaders lead from the front by repenting first. They admit mistakes from the pulpit. They apologize when they hurt people. They can say “I was wrong.”
A leader who never admits a mistake is not strong. He is unsafe. The same gospel that saves the people in the seats has to keep saving the man in the pulpit. Look for pastors who talk about their own need for grace in honest, appropriate ways, and who welcome questions instead of treating them as attacks.
This weekAsk a pastor: tell me about a time you were wrong and how you handled it. Listen to how he answers.
- 12
Honesty about hard topics
EPHESIANS 4:15 →Paul calls us to speak the truth in love. Some churches speak truth without love and become harsh. Others speak love without truth and become hollow. A healthy church does both. It will talk honestly about sin, sexuality, money, suffering, mental illness, addiction, abuse, divorce and grief, and it will do it with tears and grace, not with a sneer.
Families need a church that does not pretend. If your marriage is struggling or your teenager is wandering, you need to know you can say so and be met with help, not gossip. A church that only allows good news has trained its people to hide.
This weekListen for whether hard subjects ever come up, and whether people who are struggling seem safe to say so.
Red flags to take seriously
A single awkward moment is not a red flag. Every church has off weeks. A red flag is a pattern, or something serious enough that one time is too many. If you see these, slow down, ask questions, and do not let anyone rush you into membership or giving.
But even if we or an angel from heaven should preach a gospel contrary to the one we preached to you, let him be under a curse!
Warning signs
- Teaching that adds to the gospel (Jesus plus our rules, rituals or performance) or subtracts from it (no sin, no cross, no repentance, no need for a Savior).
- Prosperity promises: if you give enough or believe hard enough, God owes you health, wealth or success. Giving framed as a transaction or a seed to get something back.
- One man with no real accountability. No elders, or elders who are his employees, relatives or close friends who never tell him no.
- Secrecy about money. No budget shared with members, no one outside the pastor’s circle overseeing his pay, vague answers when you ask.
- Leaders who cannot be questioned. Honest questions are treated as rebellion, disloyalty or “touching God’s anointed.”
- Pressure, manipulation and shame. Guilt used to drive giving or serving, public humiliation, people pushed to commit before they are ready.
- Isolation from family and outside friends. Being told your unbelieving parents, old friends or other churches are dangerous, or that you should only trust this group.
- Abuse covered up or handled “in-house” instead of reported to authorities. Victims told to forgive and stay quiet, or accused of being divisive for speaking up.
- Scripture regularly pulled out of context to prove a point the passage does not make, especially to support the leader’s authority or a money appeal.
- Celebrity culture. The pastor’s face, brand and platform matter more than Jesus. Hype, image management and a cult of personality.
- Cultic control. Leaders dictating private decisions such as who you date, where you work or live, what you read, or demanding total loyalty and secrecy.
- A pattern of hurt people quietly leaving and everyone being told not to talk about why.
Green flags
- Jesus and the gospel of grace are clear nearly every week.
- The Bible is read, explained in context and applied honestly, including the hard parts.
- There is a plurality of qualified elders, and the pastor answers to them.
- Questions are welcome. Leaders can say “I don’t know” and “I was wrong.”
- Money is handled by more than one person, reported to members and reviewed.
- A written child protection policy, background checks, secure check-in and a two-adult rule.
- Abuse and crimes are reported to the authorities, and victims are protected and cared for.
- People are encouraged to stay close to their families and to love other faithful churches.
- Members care for each other practically, not just on Sunday.
- The church is reaching out to its neighbors and supporting mission.
- Leaders seem more interested in your growth than in your usefulness to them.
- When people leave, they are blessed and released, not slandered.
Your first visits as a family
Finding a church is not like picking a restaurant. You are choosing the people who will help shape your children’s faith and walk with you through the best and worst days of your life. Take your time. Here is a practical way to do it.
Pray together first
Before you search, pray as a family. Ask God to lead you to a church where you can grow, serve and be known. Let your kids hear you pray about it. They will learn that this decision belongs to God, not just to your preferences.
Read the website’s statement of faith
Most churches post what they believe. Look for a clear statement on the Bible as God’s Word, the Trinity, Jesus as fully God and fully man, His death and bodily resurrection, salvation by grace through faith, and the return of Christ. If you cannot find one, or it is vague, note that and ask in person.
Listen to a few sermons online
If the church posts sermons, listen to two or three from different weeks. Use the sermon test later on this page. This will tell you more than a slick welcome video.
Visit three or four times
One Sunday is a snapshot. A guest preacher, a sick worship leader or a special event can make any church look better or worse than usual. Go several times before you decide. Notice what is consistent.
Try a small group or class
Sunday morning shows you the stage. A small group shows you the family. Visit one, even if it feels awkward. Watch how people talk about the Bible, how they pray, and whether they actually know each other.
Ask about the kids’ safety policy
Before you hand your children to anyone, ask about background checks, check-in and pickup, the two-adult rule, volunteer training and reporting. Ask to see the written policy. A good church will be glad to show you.
Talk with a pastor or elder
Ask for a coffee or a short meeting. Use the questions below. You are not interviewing him as a hostile examiner. You are getting to know the shepherd you may follow. Notice whether he is open, patient and honest.
Meet people
Stay after the service. Introduce yourselves. Ask people how long they have been there and what they love about the church, and what they wish were different. Honest members will tell you both.
Watch how they treat newcomers and the vulnerable
Does anyone speak to you who is not paid to? How do they treat the elderly, the disabled, the visibly poor, the single parent, the noisy child? Jesus said the way we treat the least is the way we treat Him. Churches show their real heart in these moments.
Decide, commit, and stay a while
When you find a faithful church, join it. Do not hover at the edges forever. Become members, serve, give, and get known. Commit for the long haul unless something serious changes. Roots grow slowly.
Questions to ask a pastor before you join
- How would you explain the gospel to someone who has never heard it?
- What does this church believe about the Bible, and how do you decide what to preach?
- Who holds you accountable, and do they have the authority to correct or remove you?
- How are elders or leaders chosen, and what qualifications do you use?
- How are finances overseen? Who sets your salary, and can members see the budget?
- What is your child protection policy, and may I read it?
- How do you handle abuse allegations, and do you report to the authorities every time?
- What is your process if someone disagrees with your teaching?
- Tell me about a time you were wrong as a leader. What did you do?
- How do people here grow as disciples beyond Sunday morning?
- What do you expect from members, and what can members expect from the leaders?
- How does the church care for people in crisis, including people outside the church?
- Which issues do you hold firmly, and where do you allow disagreement among members?
- How do you handle church discipline, and what does restoration look like?
- If our family ever decided to leave, how would you want that to go?
Test everything you hear, including from me
God gave you His Word so you could know Him, not so you would have to take a preacher’s word for everything. Testing teaching is not disrespect. It is obedience.
Now the Bereans were more noble-minded than the Thessalonians, for they received the message with great eagerness and examined the Scriptures every day to see if these teachings were true.
Look at who the Bereans were testing. The apostle Paul. A man who had seen the risen Jesus and wrote much of the New Testament. And Luke does not call them suspicious or divisive. He calls them noble. They listened with eagerness, then opened the Scriptures to check. Both parts matter. They were not cynics looking for something to criticize. They were hungry people who wanted to be sure.
Paul says the same thing to the Thessalonians: do not despise what is spoken in God’s name, but test all things and hold fast to what is good. John warns believers not to believe every spirit, but to test the spirits, because many false prophets have gone out into the world. The Christian life is not passive listening. It is active, joyful, careful learning.
That applies to every sermon, every podcast, every book, every video, every social media clip, and every page on this site. If what I teach does not line up with Scripture, Scripture wins. Every time.
Was the passage read and explained in its context?
Who wrote it, to whom, and why? What comes before and after? A verse pulled out of its setting can be made to say almost anything. Read at least the whole paragraph, and ideally the chapter.
Does the main point of the sermon come from the main point of the text?
Could you find the preacher’s big idea in the passage yourself? Or did the passage serve as a launching pad for something the preacher wanted to say anyway?
Is Jesus and the gospel clear?
Did you hear what Christ has done, not only what you must do? Would an unbeliever have heard the way of salvation? A sermon can be technically accurate and still leave people trying to save themselves.
Does it agree with the rest of Scripture?
The Bible does not contradict itself. If a teaching only works by ignoring other clear passages, something is wrong. Clear passages help us understand harder ones.
Were words and verses used the way the Bible uses them?
Watch for familiar words given new meanings, such as faith as a force, blessing as money, or anointing as immunity from questions.
Was Scripture bent toward an agenda or a money appeal?
Be careful when a sermon lands on giving more, obeying the leader without question, supporting a political cause, or buying a product, and the passage does not actually say that.
Did it apply truth honestly and with grace?
Good application is specific and challenging, but it does not crush. It calls you to repent and also points you to the mercy of God. It neither flatters you nor beats you.
Were personal stories and opinions labeled as such?
Pastors can share illustrations and opinions. But you should be able to tell the difference between “the Bible says” and “I think.” Opinions presented as God’s Word are a serious problem.
Does it lead you to love God and people more?
Sound teaching produces love from a pure heart, a good conscience and sincere faith. Teaching that leaves people proud, fearful, angry at outsiders or dependent on a man should raise questions.
Everyday habits of a Berean family
- Open your own Bible during the sermon, paper or app, and follow along. Look at the verses before and after.
- Take notes. Write the passage, the main point and one question you have. Kids can draw what they heard.
- Look up every reference the preacher uses, especially quick ones flashed on a screen.
- Read the whole chapter at home that afternoon or during the week.
- Talk about it at lunch. Ask your spouse and kids: What was the main point? Where was Jesus? What should we do?
- Write down questions and bring them to a pastor or small group leader. Good pastors love honest questions.
- Read the Bible daily on your own, so you know its voice well enough to notice when something sounds off.
- Use a reliable study Bible or commentary to check difficult passages, and compare several, not just one.
- Keep humble. Sometimes the problem is that you misunderstood. Ask before you conclude.
Holding your pastor accountable
Pastors are not above the Word. They are under it, just like everyone else, and the Bible holds them to a higher standard. Accountability is not an attack on a church. It is one of the ways God protects His people.
James writes that not many should become teachers, because those who teach will be judged more strictly. That is a sobering sentence for anyone who stands up to preach, including me. A teacher’s words shape other people’s souls. God takes that seriously, and so should we.
The standard for a pastor is not only right words but a right life. Paul tells Timothy to pay close attention to his life and to his teaching. An elder must be above reproach, faithful, self-controlled, gentle, not quarrelsome, not a lover of money. And he must hold firmly to the faithful word as it was taught, so that he can encourage others by sound teaching and refute those who contradict it. A pastor who drifts from the Word, or whose life contradicts the Word, has to be lovingly confronted.
At the same time, God gives us a process. Not a mob. Not a whisper network. Not a comment section. Jesus and Paul lay out steps that protect both the church and the leader, steps that bring sin into the light without destroying people on the way. Here is what that looks like in practice.
Pay close attention to your life and to your teaching. Persevere in these things, for by so doing you will save both yourself and those who hear you.
Start with prayer and humility
Before you say anything to anyone, take it to God. Ask Him to show you what is true, to guard your heart from pride or bitterness, and to give you love for the pastor even if he is wrong. Pray for him by name. It is very hard to go to someone in the wrong spirit when you have been praying for him.
Check your own heart and your facts
Ask yourself honestly: is this about Scripture or about my preferences? Am I hurt, angry, or carrying something from a past church? Have I heard the whole thing, or a clip? Do I know what he actually said, or what someone told me he said? Go back to the sermon. Write down the exact words and the passage. The first to state his case seems right until someone else asks questions.
Go to him privately and gently
Jesus says to go privately first. Paul says to restore someone with a spirit of gentleness, watching yourself. Ask for a meeting. Do not ambush him after the service or send a long angry email at midnight. Go face to face if you can, with a tone that says you want to understand and you care about him.
Ask questions before you accuse
Begin with something like: I want to make sure I understood you. When you said this, from this passage, what did you mean? Many concerns dissolve right there. He may have misspoken, or you may have misheard. If the concern remains, say it plainly and show him the Scripture. Then listen. Be willing to be wrong.
If it is unresolved, bring one or two others
If the issue is serious and he will not listen, Jesus says to take one or two others along so every matter can be established by two or three witnesses. Choose mature, calm believers, ideally people who also know the facts, not friends who already agree with you. Their job is to help get to the truth, not to pile on.
Then bring it to the elders or board
If it is still unresolved, take it to the other elders or the church’s governing body in writing. Paul says not to entertain an accusation against an elder except on the evidence of two or three witnesses. That protects pastors from malicious attacks. He also says that those who persist in sin should be rebuked in front of everyone. That protects the church from leaders who will not repent. Both halves matter.
Document as you go
Keep a simple, factual record: dates, what was said, who was present, what Scripture you raised, and what was promised. Stick to facts, not commentary. This protects everyone, including the pastor, if memories differ later.
Do not spread it online or through gossip
A gossip separates close friends. Telling your concerns to people who are not part of the problem or the solution is not accountability. It is dissension. Do not post vague hints on social media, start group texts, or recruit people to your side. Online pile-ons rarely produce repentance and often wound innocent people, including the pastor’s wife and children.
Know when it is beyond the church
Some things are not church matters first. If a crime has been committed, especially abuse of a child, sexual abuse, assault, or financial fraud, go to law enforcement or child protective services right away. Do not wait for an internal process. Reporting abuse is not gossip, and it is not disloyalty. God has given governing authorities the job of punishing evil, and a church that stands in their way is disobeying Him.
What if he is preaching false doctrine?
First, be sure it is actually false doctrine and not a disagreement on a secondary matter. False doctrine strikes at the heart of the faith: who God is, who Jesus is, how a person is saved, the authority of Scripture, the bodily resurrection, or clear moral teaching. Paul’s strongest words are for anyone who preaches a different gospel.
If it is truly that serious, follow the steps above, but move with appropriate urgency. Go to him with Scripture. If he does not change, go to the elders. If the elders also embrace the error, you have a church problem, not just a pastor problem, and it is time to protect your family and find a faithful church. Do not keep sitting under teaching that undermines the gospel, and do not let your kids absorb it.
GALATIANS 1:6–9 →What if it is a minor disagreement?
Many differences among Bible-believing Christians are real but secondary: the timing of end-time events, some views on spiritual gifts, worship style, details of church government, how to apply Scripture to holidays or food or schooling. Romans 14 tells us to welcome one another without quarreling over disputable matters.
On these questions, you can ask the pastor about his view out of curiosity, share yours respectfully, and then let it rest. You do not have to agree with your pastor on everything to sit under his teaching joyfully. If a secondary issue becomes so central in a church that you cannot follow in good conscience, it is fine to quietly find a church closer to your convictions. But do not treat a secondary matter like heresy.
ROMANS 14:1–5 →What if there are no elders, and he answers to no one?
Then the church has a structural weakness even if the pastor is a good man. Ask him kindly about it. Some small churches and church plants are working toward a plurality of leaders and simply are not there yet. A humble pastor will tell you who he is accountable to, perhaps a denomination, a group of outside pastors, or trusted members, and what he is doing to build a team of elders.
If he tells you he answers only to God, or that questions about accountability are an attack, that is a serious red flag. Every pastor answers to God. The question is whether he will let God use other people to correct him.
What if the elders will not listen?
Sometimes elders protect each other, or are too close to the pastor to see clearly. If you have followed the process, kept to facts and Scripture, and the leaders still refuse to deal with a serious issue, you have a few options. If the church belongs to a denomination or network, it likely has a process for raising concerns, and you can use it. You can seek counsel from a respected pastor outside the church.
If it is a crime, report it to the authorities no matter what the elders say. If it is a matter of serious doctrine or ongoing sin that the leadership refuses to address, you may need to leave. Leaving in that situation is not failure. It is a matter of conscience and protecting your family.
What about concerns over money?
Money is one of the most common ways leaders fall, which is why Scripture says an elder must not be a lover of money. If you have a concern, start by asking for information, not by making accusations. Ask to see the budget or the annual financial report, how the pastor’s salary is set, who signs checks, and whether there is an outside review.
Honest churches will answer. Vague answers, anger at being asked, or a refusal to show members anything is a warning sign. If you have actual evidence of fraud or theft, that is a legal matter, and it may need to go to authorities, not only to the elders.
What if I am afraid of retaliation?
Your fear may be telling you something important. In a healthy church, a respectful question should never cost you your friendships, your ministry role, or your reputation. If people have been punished, shamed, shunned or slandered for raising concerns before, you are not imagining things.
Bring a trusted witness to any meeting. Put concerns in writing. Talk with a wise pastor or counselor outside the church. If abuse is involved, go straight to the authorities, who can protect you in ways a church cannot. And remember that you are not responsible to fix everything. You are responsible to be faithful, tell the truth, and protect the vulnerable. God sees, and He is a just judge.
When should our family leave, and how do we leave well?
Leave if the gospel is being distorted and leaders will not correct it, if abuse is being covered up, if your family is being harmed or controlled, if serious sin in leadership goes unaddressed after you have raised it properly, or if you can no longer follow in good conscience. Leaving over preferences, a personality clash, or a single bad sermon is usually not wise. Pray, talk, and give time first.
When you leave, leave well. Tell the pastor or an elder in person or in a kind letter, rather than vanishing. Be honest about your reasons without turning it into a speech. Thank people for the good you received. Do not take others with you or campaign on your way out. Help your kids process it without bitterness. And find another faithful church quickly, so a hard season does not turn into years of drifting. The exception is abuse or danger: if leaving well means putting yourself or your children at risk, simply leave and get safe. You do not owe anyone an exit interview.
What if the concern is about Pastor Mike or this site?
Then I want to hear it. Use the contact link on this site. Tell me the specific page or teaching, the Scripture you believe it conflicts with, and why. I will read it, pray over it, and respond as honestly as I can. If I am wrong, I want to correct it.
Honor and encourage faithful leaders
Accountability without honor turns a church cold and suspicious. Honor without accountability turns it unsafe. God calls us to both.
But we ask you, brothers, to acknowledge those who work diligently among you, who preside over you in the Lord and give you instruction. In love, hold them in highest regard because of their work. Live in peace with one another.
The same Bible that warns about false teachers also tells us to esteem faithful ones very highly in love. Hebrews tells us leaders keep watch over our souls as those who will give an account, and asks us to let them do it with joy and not with groaning. Paul says elders who lead well are worthy of double honor, especially those who labor in preaching and teaching.
Most pastors are not celebrities. They are ordinary men carrying heavy loads quietly. They sit at hospital beds and gravesides. They get calls at two in the morning. They prepare sermons while counseling a marriage in crisis and trying to be present for their own kids. Many are underpaid and tired, and they hear criticism far more often than thanks. Their wives and children carry part of that weight too.
A church where people only show up to correct their pastor will wear him down. A church where people pray for him, thank him, and serve alongside him gives him strength to keep going and courage to stay faithful. Honoring your pastor is not flattery and it is not blind loyalty. It is love, and it is obedience to God.
Obey your leaders and submit to them, for they watch over your souls as those who must give an account. To this end, allow them to lead with joy and not with grief, for that would be of no advantage to you.
Practical ways to encourage your pastor
- Pray for him by name every week: for his walk with God, his marriage, his children, his health, his study and his protection from temptation.
- Tell him specifically how God used a sermon in your life. A short note that says “this helped me, here is how” can carry a pastor for weeks.
- Thank him in person, not only when something goes wrong. Say it in front of your kids so they learn to honor faithful leaders too.
- Serve. Find a place to help and stay faithful in it. Every member who serves well lightens the load on the pastor.
- Protect his family. Let his kids be kids. Do not hold his wife to a job description she never signed up for. Guard their privacy.
- Speak well of him. When you hear criticism or rumors, do not pass them on. Encourage people to go to him directly.
- Give him room to rest. Respect his day off and his vacation. A rested shepherd is a better shepherd.
- Give faithfully and support a fair salary, so he can focus on the work without constant money stress.
- Bring concerns to him privately, kindly and directly. Honest, loving feedback is a form of honor.
- Show up. Be present, be prepared, and listen eagerly. Few things encourage a preacher like a congregation hungry for the Word.
Test me too
Everything I have written on this page applies to me. I am a pastor, which means I will be judged more strictly, and I feel the weight of that. I am also a sinner saved by grace, which means I will get some things wrong. I would rather you catch my mistakes against the Bible than trust me past what the Bible says.
So please, be a Berean with me. Open your Bible when you read anything on this site or hear me preach. Check the context. Look up the verses. Ask whether Jesus and the gospel are clear. If something I say does not line up with Scripture, hold fast to Scripture and let go of what I said.
And if you have a concern, come talk to me. I mean that. Tell me the specific page or teaching, the passage you believe it conflicts with, and why. I would much rather hear it from you directly than have you quietly walk away carrying it. If I am wrong, I want to repent and correct it. If we see it differently on a secondary matter, we can still be brothers and sisters in Christ.
Prayers for your church and your pastor
Use these as a starting place, alone or with your family. Pray them out loud with your kids.
Father, thank You for saving us and making us part of Your family. You know we need other believers, and You know where we belong. Lead us to a church where Jesus is lifted up, Your Word is preached faithfully, and our children are loved and kept safe. Give us wisdom to see clearly, patience not to rush, and humility not to demand a perfect church. Protect us from leaders who would mislead or harm us, and lead us to shepherds who will care for our souls. When we find that place, help us commit, serve, give and love people well. Make us a blessing to the church You give us, not only people who receive. In Jesus’ name, amen.
Lord, thank You for the pastor You have given us. Keep him close to You. Guard his heart, his marriage, his children and his health. Give him joy in Your Word and courage to preach it faithfully, the comforting parts and the hard parts. Keep him humble, honest and teachable, quick to repent and slow to anger. Protect him from pride, from the love of money, and from every temptation the enemy sets in his path. Surround him with faithful elders and friends who will tell him the truth. Give him rest when he is tired and strength when he is discouraged. Help us to honor him, pray for him, test what we hear by Your Word, and speak to him with love. May he finish his race well and hear You say, well done. In Jesus’ name, amen.